Mom, this is for you. Ever since I came back from my trekking trip and saw that look in your eye, I have been meaning to tell you this. You are my mom and have supported me in thick and in thin, stood by me no matter what. But being a grandma you worry about my kids. You worry that they might be misguided when I am busy pursuing my dreams. Would it have helped you more mentally had I been in a corporate job and gone for a business trip and not taken off for a hiking trip with my friends? Would you be more at peace then because it would justify some societal norms? But mom, you for your entire life followed the norms and believed in following rules. How did that make you feel? While everyone praised you, I could see the family walking over you. You did not live one day for yourself. It was always, let my kids grow up and settle down and then I will live my life. I saw you suffer silently and saw you go through the paws of menopause. You braved it all but were you really happy?
What happened to that fiery girl scout? What happened to that gold medalist winner? Honestly, I would have never guessed you had it in you, had I not chanced upon your certificates stacked in some deep corner of the files cupboard. My mom, the head girl of her school? A girl scout and an athlete? In those days when the girl child was not even celebrated in India. I checked with mausi and she was full of stories of how brilliant you used to be and how you had changed for the family.
Mom you have done enough, be that girl again. It’s ok to be a little selfish, to enjoy and live for oneself. You raised me well and sometimes you should realise that the fire that you see in my being roots from that girl scout, pushing me around the corner. Years ago when I saw you kill your desires for others, suffer and yet say nothing, be miserable but keep that smiling demeanor on, that’s when I decided to never let that fire die. I love my kids and my family and will go to any length to ensure that they fare well in life, pass on the right morals in life, but never will let my individuality lie down for them. I want them to respect me and accept me for what I am, for mom if I am not a happy person, how will I pass on happiness to my kids. By this, I do not mean to undermine your sacrifices, it made me believe in you being my biggest support and I knew I could depend on you, no matter what. But mom, I am my self and I can’t be you.
I want my kids to believe that I am there for them too, and I am but I will do that in my way. I may not conform to the norms but I will do it, I promise. And now mom, it is time for you to step out too and venture and explore your unfinished dreams. Travel has changed my perspective on life and I want you to explore it too. I remember you getting excited at the thought of visiting Spain for your 40th anniversary and then later being amazed at your unending energy posting over 400 pictures of you and dad through the trip, exploring the city for 10-12 hours every day. You were like my little one in a toy store. Whew! If that’s not inspiring what is?
I remember I just had to nudge you a little to start your own cooking classes and then you had printouts of recipes, you had advertisements in newspapers and you had students coming to you to learn. It boosted your confidence to know that you could earn too and you had skills that others respected. That was inspiring mom!
You have raised us well, kept the family together and always put yourself and your wants behind. Mom, for once find that scout girl again in you, travel if you wish to, teach if it is your calling, or just entirely explore something new. Just go on a journey of self-discovery. Don’t just do things because others think that it’s right. Don’t go through life, live it and let me be that support you need for once.
#MomBeAGirlAgain campaign by Amazon has inspired me to pen this down for my mom. It had been on my mind for some time now and this has just triggered my feelings. Thank you, Amazon. May this inspire more daughters and sons.
disclaimer: While this is a sponsored post, I have been meaning to write this letter to my mom for a long time.