‘Sleeping angels’ is where I had left my last blogpost. Yes, my kids, all kids, look like angels in their sleep. And while they are sleeping and I am blogging, I can actually focus on their ‘goodness’. Today, I am leaving them and heading out for a week-long holiday with my hubby. I can’t but help feel guilty. All the months of planning and telling everyone that’ it’s ok to leave your kids and travel once in a while’, all such thoughts have faded. And I can’t but feel a pang. I know I am going to miss them a lot, even in this short time.
I am so used to hugging and sleeping my little one, he is my anchor, even while my hubby is travelling. And I have started depending so much on my elder one for helping me around. He is the ‘man of the house’ :). With my hubby travelling a lot,we have become very tight-knit and I know, these kids are going to give my parents a hard time when I leave them behind for a week. I don’t know if I am getting more emotional or more guilty at the thought of travelling without my kids. I guess most women, like me, go through this dilemma. After all, we spend most of our waking time running behind them or thinking about them. So the ‘separation anxiety’ is more for us than in them.
I am transmitted back into time, a few years back when I first became a mommy. When I first held my baby, looking at it with wonder. How in earth did I manage to create another life? I remember walking in pain all the way from my hospital bed to the nursery which was at the end of the corridor. I had a normal delivery and was low on the this privileged hospital’s preference list for a private room. I remember being so prepared for the whole birthing process and only after I had my baby, did I realise, I had no idea about what has to be done once the baby is born. Of course, I knew the basics, but that I realised soon enough was not good enough. I remember crying and breaking down as I was physically and mentally not capable of coping with it all. And then on the third day, he tucked my little finger and lying close to my heart, smiled at me. That was it, that’s the moment I realised, why mom’s have babies and that I am a mom now :).
With every passing moment and year, our bond has grown stronger. As Eeshan grew and became more independent, I felt more relieved, but also sad as he spent lesser time with me. He has his own world now, with his friends, his school etc . I guess my space in his world will keep growing smaller. Luckily for me Ahaan entered our lives with his doting eyes, right at the time when Eeshan had started distancing himself. This huge void that I could have felt was filled by him.
By the time my younger one entered our lives, I was a hands-on-mom. I had spent five years of being a mommy and could give gyan(knowledge) to any living being around on raising kids. I had not understood why they say second babies are easier, till I had my own. Ahaan has grown up like a breeze, touch wood! I remember being panic-stricken everytime, Eeshan even sneezed, but with Ahaan I knew the course of action and could handle everything even without raising my brows. The other thing that happens and is very natural for most parents is that, while I have vivid memories and records of every firsts that Eeshan achieved, his first steps, his first teeth, his first day at school, I struggle to remember the same for Ahaan. I hope by the time my boys read these blogs, they are mature enough not to judge me :).
It’s funny though how Eeshan like to behave childlike as he feels that Ahaan is more popular while Ahaan wants to be a big boy like Eeshan. They are cute in their own space. The fact that I am talking about them so much today is just reinstating the fact that I am already missing them and I haven’t even left home till now :).
“I am sharing my #MemoriesOfMotherhood with Bio Oil and BlogAdda. This Mother’s Day check out the Yummy Mummy calendar and make a similar calendar of your own using the Bio Oil App.”
P.S. This post was a winning post;